All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". Therefore, in line with the objectives of this study, qualitative interviews were a superlative choice for inductive approaches aimed at generating concepts and hypotheses that have far more potential for research than any other model. 2006;52(1); 5-17. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. Mrs. Imam was the first wife with a love marriage and she had two female children in three years. In the modern-day polygamy is not as much disputed as in the past. Go figure. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. mortality is outrageously high and t To sum up: I am married to a man I love and am lucky. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc. Appointments were previously taken and the interviews were conducted at their places for their convenience. Stanford University Press. I'm seven months pregnant. "Risk"? I know in some families the children of the first wife have some sort of higher status, but this is my home and I dont want to raise my children like that, Thamsanqa says. Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. As some statistics have it, we are one in every four married women you will meet. Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Note that I said "freely" - emotionally guilt tripping women, threatening them with divorce or withholding custody of their children from them, and other such nefarious tactics to pressure women into 'accepting polygamy' are not equivalent to consent without coercion. I never expected to be a second wife. Many young women might regard being a second wife better than remaining single. Depending on the source, divorce rates are pretty scary. We have an ordinary life. The sharia, Islamic family laws, and international human rights law: Examining the theory and practice of polygamy and talaq. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. 1. Few helped financially in return for child-rearing to the senior wives. In the current study, co-wives reported several negative consequences of polygamy such as jealousy, lack of trust, unhappiness, loneliness, unequal financial division, and social privileges among the multiple wives those are consistent with previous studies conducted in UAE, Kuwait, Egypt, Jordan, the Gaza Strip, Arabs in Israel, Palestine, and Turkey which point out that the wives in polygamous marriages have reportedly more psychosocial, familial and economic problems compared to their counterparts from monogamous families [16-20]. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. A record of 26 women was collected for polygamous families through snowball sampling for the availability of co-wives. Avoiding adultery According to WorldCat, 99 percent of polygamous married men use this reason as justification for their undertakings. Accepting polygamy does not make. Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. Relationships come and go, and thats to be expected. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. She had only one daughter. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. As when co-wives share their domestic chores, and other responsibilities of the family they become less possessive with time about their partners. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? It was an arranged marriage. In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections. But here I am, married to a man who was married before. Then there are the kids. The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). But Ron and I had already endured hardship . These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. No, it is illegal.Under Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code, if a person marries a second time, without a divorce, while their spouse is alive, the marriage is considered bigamy, which is a punishable offense. Im raising my son to be a responsible man who will not look down on women, like my father does, she says. My wife and I were happy there was absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". Even extended family like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. Reviewed by Lybi Ma. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. Though later on, she had a good relation with 2nd wife. For Lillian Makhubalo* it was like a blow to the heart. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). And reassure her of your love. They found his second wife together a woman who was a regular on one of his taxi routes. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. All of that financial mess can translate into a financially difficult second marriage. In a previous study by the perceived advantages of polygyny included sharing house chores and child-rearing similarly in the present study most of the polygamous women were reported particularly the infertile women helped the co-wives to bring up their children as well as daily household activities. But that's not the case in Canada, says Imam Hamid Slimi of the Sayeda Khadija . Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. My husband has two wives . Incidentally, polygamy is illegal for non-Muslims according to Federal law but is allowed for Muslim men under Sharia Law. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. She said, in the beginning, I was not happy but with time and being realistic I have admitted and have divided the household chores. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. 5. "I'm in a traditionalist polygamist relationship. PostedNovember 5, 2012 It means if your husband is a citizen or green card holder, he. Every possibility seems available to them. As she had a new born she told when she was admitted to the hospital 1st wife of her husband prepared and brought food for her from the home. Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . Miss Nadia was the second wife of Mr. Imam. Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. Family Process. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. They adhere to the rules that all three of us set for them, like normal children. Zakhele walks in with his youngest brother, Thembekile*, 2, in his arms. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. Also, if your husband has financial problems, he had no right to marry you in the first place. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. After her husbands second marriage she said, I moved to a separate household, to me, it works best because I dont have to see her (co-wife) come into the house to visit my husband. He killed her when I was nine years old and he was arrested. All women were Muslims. Istanbul, Turkey. The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. Published: Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. Gabe and I won't have that. The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. Illiteracy, being a wife of a husband with three and more other wives, current history of depression, intimate partner violence, and poor social support were significantly associated with suicidal . It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. Crookston EM. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. But Professor Maphalala says although each family has its own way of doing things, its usually the husband who decides how the children should be disciplined. Women also support their men for polygamy if they are facing infertility to secure their marriage instead of divorce [4]. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. Now she was not ready for 3rd. Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. She told when her husband introduced her to the other co-wives, in the beginning, they both cursed me but later they made a compromise and accepted her. Hed moved from mining to owning a taxi business. 'I don't care about anything. So why is the phrase second wife so unnerving? The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . The interviews were verified for accuracy and consistency by listening to the recordings. An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. 2 Meet other future spouses. To find out the reasons for multiple spouses by men. Islam allows men to marry up to four wives at one time but the condition is to maintain equality and Justice in all the possession whatever a man holds in material means [1]. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. Her husband got married to Miss Sobia who was the 2nd wife and it was again a love marriage. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. But it's a hoax that has hit at least four countries to date . Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. The average duration of polygamy was about 11 years so most of the co-wives had been accepted co-wives and engaged themselves in several activities and got comfort considering it fate role, religious permission, and compromise for the sake of their children's future rather than divorce. A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. You feel stuck and feel as if you do not belong where you are. If that doesnt help, she can then approach his elders and explain exactly what it is thats happening and how shed like them to help. These themes were generated from the co-wives experiences. What's popular and why. Bigamy occurs when one man illegally marries more than one woman. Somehow, you probably have always pictured someone who has never been married. They dream big. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. Not the wives of college friends, not old relatives who can't remember new names but who remember that they shelled out good money for a fancy gift the first time around, and especially not the original wife, who thinks of herself as the bona fide wife. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. What Is Marriage Coaching? An in-depth interview technique was used with probing questions to get the perception from polygamous women about their life experiences, reasons behind polygamous marriage, and what strategies were used by co-wives to deal with such relationships. Mrs. Gulzar said "I had no option other than to make a compromise and accept co-wife because of my female kids. Opponents of decriminalization say the current law should not be changed because polygamy is inherently dangerous and harmful to women and children, particularly young girls, some of whom have. Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11). "We injoi it and feele to prase the Lord." Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. In another study man's wife having been diagnosed with a mental health problem, infertility, a man has only daughters or having children mentally and physically sick or man's wife older than he is, and exchange marriage are common reasons were discussed in a previous study. One female Mrs. Abdullah was feeding a new born baby she was 3rd wife of her husband. Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. Over breakfast her husband told her something that would make any woman choke on her toast: he wanted to take a second wife. Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife. Polygamy as sort of status symbol. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Journal of Family Studies. She said, "Emotions change with priorities". A married couple that stays together can rack up plenty of debt, but what about a marriage that ends?