Wrong. WTF are you reading? Holy hell, this guy sounds like a dick. But, they both had lawyers. The idea that he owes his life to her now that hes fathered her child is precisely the reason so many people are in unhappy marriages and there is such a high number of marital affairs. April 9, 2012, 3:42 pm. April 9, 2012, 11:40 am. reader, Lisa Belize+, writes (22 September 2009): A but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along In many states men can declare themselves non-fathers. Ford 1970 Kansas Cars for sale - SmartMotorGuide.com So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? Argh. Here 13 common reasons guys start missing and try to go back to their ex. And the man? IMO there are probably better ways to deal w/ the more egregious incidents of paternity fraud. April 10, 2012, 7:07 pm. 4. stop stressing so much.many children are born under worse circumstances the guy and his ex its their problem to solve not yours. Im guessing that shes in the UK or Ireland, or perhaps New England. SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! And WHY did he not practice safe sex since he only knew her 2 minutes? Thats all I can really offer. And she was all, Um, yeah, those arent always 100 percent effective. And he was like, THEY SHOULD PUT THAT ON THE BOX!!!! Knowing him for two minutes is not significant at all to a woman who feels that abortion is morally wrong for religious reasons. female As for what you do: I personally would ask him to ask the woman to get a paternity test. April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. I think what you are forgetting in all of this is that a child is not a peanut. it will be her due by July or Aug. well, The reason why I asked you about your opinion because it's really hard for me to make a decision to leave her behide her pregnant on her own. And I would believe him that he has no interest in her other than convenience. So it sounds like the mom here mustve been in a postiion to want and/or raise a child. I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. A pregnancy, especially an unplanned one with no real relationship behind it is not a reason to stay together. Roe v. Wade merely established that abortion is a privacy issues and that a womans right to choose what is done with her body takes precedent over the rights of a state to prevent abortion. February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. Thats seriously not cool. April 9, 2012, 10:48 am. These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. I just felt a huge blow of betrayal because I was waiting for him to talk to me again. Nevertheless, if you choose to sleep with a guy that you are not in a relationship with or have only known for two months, without doubling up on the protection, and get pregnant and decide to keep the babyThen I think you should be aware that a situation like this may happen. That reasoning, btw, comes from Karen DeCrow, feminist attorney and former president of NOW. And alimony is given to whichever spouse made less income, not women as a rule. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. Yes everyone went bonkers. The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. Im not sure. Wow, thank you so much Lili. 8. Perhaps youd like to refute them instead of going the easy route and calling him a troll simply because he disagrees with you. Everyone in this situation sounds like they belong on Jerry Springer. That should have been the end of it. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Now hes going to have to deal with it, even if he wants nothing to do with the childhis wallet will. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. Also, he seems willing to abide by the laws. That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. Thanks for listening to me. Yes, he should have realized this was a possibility. Dude, thats seriously out of line. April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. Hes 40 and he doesnt want a child. I dont think hes scum based on this either. He is doing alot better. Where the issue comes in is who physically is around the child more, which is placement, which though there has been progress tends to err on the side of the mother still, with all other things being equal. He slept with a woman he believed to be on the pill. Like raising a child is easy. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. He is also probably telling all sorts of lies to keep the LW with him. Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. This is about a pregnancy thats two weeks in. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. Youve given me a lot to think about in terms of my views on raising children that come out of short term flings and im appreciative for the insight. Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. She Left Me.PRANK WARS - BF VS GFWatch until. April 9, 2012, 12:55 pm, Im sure there are many, many women who would argue that its not all rainbows and butterflies in attaining child support. She got pregnant. honeybeenicki Hell, as a parent, I probably should never drive to get coffee because Im risking death in an accident for something I dont need, and yes, I do know that people die in car accidents. We met up again and my family grew fond of him finally. When he didnt come chasing after you when you moved you knew it was over and done with. Its a two way street guys. . Exactly, so if knowing this you still choose to proceed with anything that could result in a pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself if you become a parent. And you cant have conception without sperm. Sounds like its coming out of the starting blocks with two strikes against it in the gene pool department. Iwannatalktosampson Youre wrong. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. Bless This Mess. Nope, not at all, she just goes on living life unchanged. Its that theyre more likely to be honest about not wearing them when something bad results. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. So go whine about how unfair life is to someone who is as ignorant as you are about how life works. Two are very small, less than six months. LW, why in the hell would you want to get with this guy right now? And that isnt fair either. The court considers the psychological effects on the child before ordering support. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. And she doesnt have to be a liar to have been on antibiotics, thus rendering the pill largely ineffective. Painted_lady As a woman, you have control over that. My takeaway from this is that men should never have sex unless theyre sterile or want to have children, and even then they should never have sex unless they plan to never have sex with a different person in the future because there is absolutely no way to avoid all sexually transmitted diseases aside from the complete lack of sexual contact. Shes also calling him a troll because he likes to show up only for these types of letters when he can tell DW commentators that we are all obviously wrong and from the she-women man hating club. Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. 2. We need to rebuild our trust, but I cant trust the situation because he cheated on me with her. No one should be forced to abort a child, but no one should be forced to have one they do not want. Focus on that though, and you are going to have a miserable life. How fast his new relationship is moving. What kind of person he got into a new relationship with. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. Even if this baby malarky goes away, even if this woman only demands financial support and nothing else from your boyfriend, this sort of drama will be your life if you stay with him. Every relationship ends in death or a breakup, so this is not unusual. I try t,o help because I remember when I was young. Add your answer to this question! 6napkinburger I just personally get outraged that this is the case: that he would have to pay support regardless, but that she can opt out of it. I dont feel anyone should be forced to be a part of a childs life. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. Having a man use that as his birth control would be as idiotic as a women using dont worry, Ill just pull out as hers. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. lets_be_honest All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. What are your thoughts on an abortion? P.S. Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. A forty-year-old man knows exactly how women get pregnant and how to avoid that if he absolutely doesnt want a baby. Take this as a lesson learned. Generally it turns into a bunch of bleeps. I get what youre saying. At this point I dont think it matters how this woman got pregnant: she did. Its not anyones fault, theres no one to blame. I ended up feeling sorry him, and I started talking to him again, but2 weeks laterhe said the pregnant girl was threatening to hurt herself and he was going to be with her and that he cared too much about her and his unborn child to not try to work it out. Clearly it is horribly wrong to lie about that but thats not the argument here. I dont think its necessarily fair. Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. But simply disagreeing with others does NOT fit the definition of a troll, not by a long shot. But, are you willing to pay for his mistakes. Dr. Sherry. Problem. They dont want to have spirited logical debate, they want to vent and lash out at people. If he didnt want to wear condomwhateverIll even give him the benefit there. Now I'm happily married and live in Orlando. we were truley in love. April 9, 2012, 5:29 pm. Only the woman did. Im not arguing that he should be able to force an abortion. Vampires arent supposed to glitter and werewolves arent supposed to be pedophiles. I would like to also say, we dont know that shes trapping him. April 9, 2012, 5:24 pm, The mention of being logical for some reason made me think of the whole idea of true abandonment. SpaceySteph However, I realize thats a pipe dream. I disagreed with a lot of your comments but I still enjoyed them. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. Im happy to have found a father in my father-in-law, who has really become the dad I never had in that he loves me, supports me, listens to me, and even spoils me, haha! April 9, 2012, 2:37 pm, Well, its always possible that shes NOT in her right mind. )boyfriend who got the woman pregnant. It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. Oh, really? I get from the tone of your letter that you are bitter. I wanted to punch my computer screen while reading this and was so afraid the comments would not say what you are saying. Since there is no way to guarantee pregnancy wont occur aside from proof of sterility, this righteous DW anger would likely be aimed at any man who didnt end up wanting the child (no matter what precautions had been taken), likely by the same people whod turn red in the face about any story where a man was forcibly stopping someone from getting an abortion. female Francine Well get our hands off your uterus when you get your hands off our wallets. I do believe that many accidental pregnancies are not so accidental, but that is all the more reason for people who engage in casual sex, and are dead set against having kids, to do everything in their power to avoid having them! I think what you are trying to explain are the two types of custodyover the person and over decision making for the person. But if that rape victim gave birth to the child, dropped it on the rapists doorstep and left, its highly probable that the law would pursue her for child support. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. April 9, 2012, 6:54 pm. He apologized for not telling me sooner. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). But, the real reason you cant let go is because you feel bad that youve invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. Dude, get away from this guy pronto! Briana DeJesus. No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants.. April 9, 2012, 3:04 pm, Ill continue playing devils advocate here today Im guessing thats where most of us got the idea that he was trying to push it on her. Having read some of the (ahem) well-reasoned responses to my post (and your response), I realize the interwebs are probably not the best place to argue the merits of paternity law. My inclination would be to run away from this guy as fast as you can. evanscr05 He must be a complete scumbag, because no one ever has sex without a condom unless they intend to have children or are scumbags. Im not saying I think he should get any sort of say in it, but why are we so quick to deride his emotional response to an accidental life-altering event that, in his mind, could have been corrected, but isnt going to be due to someone elses decision? I dont usually ever think letters are fake, but this one MIGHT be fake. No. For someone who cant stand a woman and does not want to have a child you think he would make slightly more responsibly decisions. It sounds glib, and I mean, malarky? reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A Dude, thats seriously out of line. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? haha. She might not have been on the Pill, but that was a risk that he chose to take by having sex with someone he knew for two minutes without a condom. April 9, 2012, 11:23 am. No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. we broke up and he got another girl pregnant April 11, 2012, 2:00 am, John Rohan This man seems to be both irresponsible and immature so be glad you can move on and not be stuck with him. You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. April 10, 2012, 9:47 am. If he wore a condom and if she was on the pill, hes an idiot because what? Theres a fun scenario. How does your law make this fair? I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. I could understand that he would be shocked and unhappy, but who does that? I thought you were disputing the comments about it being not that contagious by disclosing that you were HIV positive. He said he would do whatever i wanted him to. She barely knows her new boyfriend, yet she's already pregnant with the guy's baby and is forced to plan a future with him. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. But there is no ensuring that the child is cared for in an adoption. The carpenter asks his brother to impregnate his wife via IVF using the carpenters sperm. I simply had to chime in here as this is what I do for a living and so many people are sadly misinformed. If a guy wants absolutely to avoid becoming a father, he is responsible for using additional BC or not having sex with women if he doesnt know what their stance on unintended pregnancy would be. Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. haha I agree. Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. Like getting child support is easy. Tell you what sunshine I promise that when men carry the children you all can decide about terminating the pregnancy too irrespective of your partners wants then we will have that equality you want so bad. But what a guy usually doesn't take into consideration is that a lot has happened after the breakup. My boyfriend got a girl pregnant during a breakup. What should - Quora Privacy Policy. Can I interject for a moment and note that CUSTODY isnt generally whats tied to support; PLACEMENT is. Theyre both opposed to abortion but theyre being safe, right? Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? Its very clear that you care a great deal about the quality of your childs life and emotional well-being. And _JSW_, if youre reading this too, thanks for an interesting evening. He has a requirement to the mother of his child as well. FYI first time posting but long time reader. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. Considering how often it is done on daytime television, I am shocked to find out that a paternity test is so damn hard to procure. Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. Both men and women create children. And its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. It could fail. and the man has the option to take extra precaution and choose to wear a condom. reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): A what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). And frankly, the more money and less contact the baby gets from your boyfriend, the better off he or she will be (not that s/he has much of a chance, given the nest of grown-ups s/hes coming into). Going through the comments here, right on cue, I already record no less than five times that the boyfriend is called scum or scumbag. And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. My opinion is that we all know that it can happen whether youre on birth control or not. Nice try. Call me crazy, but I dont see any partys reaction to this crazy. But let me make a few suggestions Steve. How quickly (or slowly) he got into a new relationship after your breakup. The problem is not the other woman, the problem is your man and how you are responding to everything. My Ex Had A Baby With Someone Else And Wants Me Back So, then, women should always have to accept that theyre pregnant because they had sex and then have the child whether they want to or not? Start sinking down in the gutter, and no, Im not going to follow you there. landygirl I just think that if he is saying he doesnt want a child then hes probably not fit to be a parent and the parent who does want a child is more fit. I see youre an ignorant homophobe too. Hey, honey, I thought you had control over your bodies? Crazy likes crazy. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. anyway, well, I've been discovering that I found out she's pregnant by someone last oct that she met. WTH is that?! But this doesnt mean that hes not scum. The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. April 10, 2012, 6:34 pm. door to door service. Hes just not ready to start a family. My biological father, whom Ive never met, responsibly paid child support and didnt confuse me by dropping in and out of my life. Your Turn: "He Got Another Woman Pregnant While We Were on a Break!" Is this a valid summary? 1 mth after we got together, he cheated and got a girl pregnant. It did say that he was furious at her for not getting an abortion. Also, it delights me that you base your assumptions on general human behavior on the Jerry Springer Show. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? Secondly, it is a medical procedure. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. Again, this implies that a pregnancy must lead irrevocably to a child. If they do, he is obligated to support the child. Homosexual couples dont HAVE to adopt. It takes two people to make a baby and two people to decide what to do after one of them gets pregnant. I dont understand the level of anger sparked by this man not wanting to be physically involved in this childs life. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that.. This is your CHILD. an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration.. Doesnt matter if they took every precaution to design the worlds best bottle. If your ex moved on before you did, you might feel as if they won or wonder why you didn't find someone else . Be a grownup, decide if this relationship is worth the less perfect, more dramatic parts, and act accordingly. LW, take a step back and think about what you would tell one of your girlfriends in a similar situation. 3. its up to you wether to stay his friend or not. Whoa whoa whoa this kid should be the most important thing in his life, over her? I totally agree with you for reasons you likely already understand. (yes, I know, lifes unfair). But by that same logic, you must be prepared to call a woman who doesnt want to be a mom a scumbag for getting an abortion (in the instances the guy wants to keep it but that woman doesnt). It is duplicated below. Youre more than welcome. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. Is that fair, well no, but nine months of growing a baby inside you, followed with birth, breast feeding, ect isnt really an equitable way to split reproduction either. He should get a damn vasectomy. So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. April 9, 2012, 10:34 pm. Wow..two mintueswhen did he realize he couldnt stand her before or after the two minutes? I cant believe the absurdity of some of these arguments. Is it fair to a kid to be born into a world where his dad abandons him? He has an obligation to any future sex partner to keep himself clean. Thats what responsible men who want to have sex with women and dont want children do. This woman is having a baby, not a concept. The woman then apparently became pregnant with apparently the guys child. And the case for this man gets more and more ridiculous. Maybe that outrage will be the catalyst for you to start a political career in order to change these laws that you feel are so unfair. Exactly. Especially since, had he been the woman and felt the same way, he would have quietly aborted the child without inviting half the scorn hes received here. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. So of course the events are filtered through that lens. Lots of it. 2. She didnt roofie him, Chuck. As for not wanting anything to do with her or her child, Im guessing that is momentary anger directed at her, not the child. Personally, I think they should be given a one-time option to opt-out if the woman wants to keep the child and the man doesnt. Really, people. Regardless, this guy obviously doesnt seem like anyone you want to be in a relationship with. If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. Oh, good lord. I mean, hey, we certainly couldnt be any more careless or reckless with this precious gift than women keep on proving to be, landygirl He made his feelings clear to her when she was only two weeks pregnant, telling her they havent been together two minutes! BUT. Ummm sorry your comparison is ridiculous because in that case its 100% the fault of the person eating at the restaurant. Inc. Lee's Summit MO. But the issue is when he decided not to pull out but bust a load into a strangerhe took on that risk of possibily having the responsibility to pay for a kid for the next 18 years. me and my boyfriend dated 3 years ago for a year. How silly I have been. I wont go into the reasons they came to this, (very long, and quite personal, story), but its entirely possible that if a women gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby though the father would prefer she abort, he DOES have the option to waive his parental rights and duties to the child and thus not be legally responsible for child support. Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. Originally i had used much more crass language and forgot to delete the apology ooops! You want to be a slave to a prick like him? And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. Hi. doesnt she have friends to tell her just say no to neon macrome?), we judge who our friends date and marry, we judge everything, usually based on what we would do. It doesnt sound like hes ready to be a one-woman man and get married (let alone start a family), and it doesnt sound like the LW is entirely willing and able to deal with being with a man who has fathered a child that isnt theirs. April 10, 2012, 5:06 am, Still, itd be nice if so many women werent so often so shamelessly dishonest about this, wouldnt it? The woman can choose to abort the baby, even in the event the father desperately wants it, and is willing to raise and support it himself. But in cases where a woman chooses to bear a child against the wishes of the father, the reciprocal obligation is less concrete. Your FAMILY can be the most important thing in your life not just your children. So tough shit. If you cant handle the though of having a baby, you take precautions (condoms, birth control, vasectomy, abstinence even) and when babies happen, because they do even with protection, you take responsibility for it. April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. having sex with someone you dont know that well. And he wants absolutely nothing to do with that baby? Welcome.In todays video I PRANK MY GIRLFRIEND !I GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT PRANK ON GIRLFRIEND. The laws are unfair because they arent designed to be fair to the PARENTS- theyre designed to work in the best interest of the innocent child that didnt choose to be born. As a woman, I have to take responsibility that any man I have sex with may very well walk away from me never to be heard from again leaving me with a child to raise alone. When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. Government will go after him for either Medical Support and/or Child Support. If there was a child at conception, abortion would be murder. She asked what to do with this guy. lets_be_honest It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. P.S. Ok.you were on a breakhe met some women club and after 2 minutes decided to have sex with her (which people do Im not against a 1 night stand).but he doesnt throw a condom on because shes on the pill (so hes not protected from STDs and he has no verification shes actually using the pill responsibly)..and if that level of irresponsibility isnt enough, he ahem finishes the job inside of her! Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. Just sayin. Am I being selfish if I tell him not to go to the doctors appts and be in the labor room? This whole letter is a giant Friends reference. Its when a mans sperm connects with a womans egg. Reviewing this the next day, Im even less convinced that the letter is real Id be happy for signs otherwise but assuming it is, thats good advice. reader, marissa0916+, writes (26 August 2015): A Some of the best advice my mom ever gave me way back in the day was Listen. Look, you broke up with him because your relationship had some problems, and because of trust issues, and his inability to commit to you. Do you want to talk about how a baby is made? And I think the LW is just as much of an ass or whatever other word you want to insert as the bf in question. It will have feelings too. To be fair, (and Im not at all discrediting what youre saying, because it very well could be true), but no where in the letter does she mention that he did or did not use a condom. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. Or you think that landygirl does that? Paternity Court 2023 Full Episodes #March 1st | **Miracle Baby Or She didnt rape him.